MegaMon!
by P4cK1n9 P34nU7
Summary: I mean, REALLY! If you can't get this one, there's no hope in the world!
1. Episode 1 Crash is an IDIOT!

Stuff to know:  
  
[lyrics/opening theme]  
{author's notes}  
*actions such as walking into trees*  
  
  
  
[I want to be the very best,  
Like no one ever was.  
To catch them is my real test,  
To train them is my cause.  
  
I will travel across the land,  
Searching far and wide.  
Each Mega-Mon, to understand  
The power that's inside.  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men  
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all, yeah  
  
Every challenge along the way  
With courage I will face  
I will battle everyday  
To claim my rightful place  
  
Come with me the time is right  
There's no better team  
Arm and arm we'll win the fight  
It's always been our dream  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men   
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all, yeah  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men  
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Mega-Men!]  
  
[Duh da duh da duuuuuuhhhhh]  
{Suddenly, a female voice says-}  
  
::Crash is an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!::  
  
Crash, Pissy, and Broccoli are walking down the road to Red City.   
Crash's faithful companion, Reek-A-Chu, walks at his side, humming a   
surprisingly dorky melody.  
  
Pissy: Crash, have you gotten us lost again?  
  
Crash: Well, no, not yet, not entirely, um, well, yes. We are lost.  
  
Pissy: RRRRRRRRR!!!!! *Attempts to strangle Crash* I'm PISSED NOW!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Broccoli: *Walks into a wall which appeared out of nowhere* This would be soooo much easier if I'd only open my eyes. *Walks into a tree*  
  
When all of a sudden, a Mega-Mon jumped out from behind a bush!  
  
Fast-Poke: FASTPOKE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Broccoli, Crash, and Pissy: AAAAACK!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Wimps. I'll handle this. Thunder-Scent!!!!!!!  
  
A large toxic fume cloud hurtles itself at Fast-Poke, who really just wanted directions to a good nightclub.  
  
Fast-Poke: Please, spare me, almighty stink-beast! I bow to you!!!! *Bows*  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Well, Crash? See, I told you it pays to never bathe!  
  
Crash: Aw, shaddup, Reek.  
  
Pissy: Kill. . . Hurt. . . Maim. . .*eyes glow a bright crimson color*   
  
Broccoli: *Walks into another tree* Owweeees!  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Here, Crash, capture it with a Mega-Sphere!  
  
Crash: Sphere??????   
  
Reek-A-Chu: Fine, have it your way. Mega-ball.  
  
Crash: YOU PERVERTED FREAK!!!!!!!!! *cries*  
  
{Hence the title of this fan-fic: Crash really IS stupid!}  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Just get the dang thing already!!!!!!  
  
Crash: Hmph. *Twists his stupid little cap with the STUPID little logo thingy on it* Go, Mega-Sphere!!!!!!!  
  
The Mega-Sphere easily captures Fast-Poke, so then it goes to live with Prof. Bloke until Crash finds something to do with it, or it dies.  
  
Pissy: You. . . Evil. . .Strangle. . .   
  
Crash: Hey, Pissy! Admit it! I'm the better trainer!!!!  
  
Pissy: *kicks Crash in the foot* %&$^ YOU, CRASH!  
  
Crash: OWEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! *falls over*  
  
Broccoli: *giggle* If only he had a brain...  
  
[We'll be right back after this commercial break!] 


	2. Crash is STILL an idiot!

[Who's that Mega-Mon?]  
[It's P-U! ("Peeeeuuwww!")]  
[Duh da duuuhhhhhhhhhh]  
  
Our heroes are lost again! {Go figure} Crash is being strangled by Pissy, and Broccoli is running into trees again! Reek-A-Chu is still smelly, and Crash is STILL an idiot!!!!!  
  
Pissy: You will pay for that!!!!!!  
  
Crash: Aw, come off it, Pissy, we all know I'm better!  
  
Pissy: *tightens her grip on Crash's neck* what. . . did. . . you. . . say. . .?   
  
Crash: I'm better?  
  
Pissy: DIE!!!!! *throws Crash into a tree*  
  
Crash: AAAACK! *falls*  
  
Broccoli: Uh, Pissy?  
  
Pissy: *normal again* Yes, Broccoli?  
  
Broccoli: GET HIM OFF MEEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Yes, Crash had fallen on Broccoli, and his butt hurt from being thrown into a tree.  
  
Crash: Owweee. . .my butt hurts!  
  
Broccoli: GET OFF ME NOW!!!!!!!  
  
Crash: NAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!  
  
Pissy: NAAARRRGHHHH!!!!!  
  
Reek-A-Chu: NAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey! I finally get a line in this chapter!  
  
Then, our three heroes (plus a faithful companion) started fighting, and rolled down a hill in a cartoon-ish cloud of dust. When they stopped rolling, they were at the feet of another Mega-Mon trainer!  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Hi! Want to-  
  
Crash: You're on!!!!!  
  
Pissy: Here we go again  
  
Broccoli: I wish I could see it. . .*sniffle*  
  
Pissy: Then open your eyes!  
  
Broccoli: I can't. It's against the script. . .  
  
Pissy: TO HELL WITH THE SCRIPT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Broccoli: Hey- you swore! THIS IS A KID'S SHOW!!!!! No swearing!!!!!  
  
{Meanwhile. . .}  
  
Crash: Let's dance!  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Ladies first.  
  
Crash: Hmph! *twists his stupid little cap with the stupid little logo thingy again* Go! Bulbous-Arse!!!!  
  
Bulbous-Arse: ARSE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: I choose you!!! Chili Cheese puff!!!  
  
Chili Cheese Puff: PUFF!!!  
  
BA:ARSE!!!  
  
CCP: PUFF!!!  
  
Crash: Bulbous-Arse, use Wine Sip!  
BA: Arse! *takes a swig of J.W.B. and acts goofy*  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Chili Cheese Puff, use Double Crap!!!!!  
  
CCP: Puff!!! *takes a large, smelly dump on the floor. Twice.*  
  
Pissy: Hmmm. . . I dunno. Who will win? Crap or booze, tough choice.  
  
Broccoli: J.W.B. tastes better. I'm placing §200 on Crash, just because he always wins. And J.W.B DOES taste better than crap.  
  
Pissy: I'll bet on the other guy, because Crash is an idiot.  
  
{Meanwhile, back at the ranch…}  
  
Crash: That's no good, return, Bulbous-Arse!  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Return, Chili Cheese Puff!  
  
Then both Mega-mon went back inside their Mega-Spheres.  
  
Broccoli and Pissy: Awww. . .  
  
Reek-A-Chu: OOOH!!! PICK MEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Crash: I choose you! Reek-A-Chu  
  
Reek-A-Chu: REEKA!!!!!!  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Go, LowFat!  
  
LowFat: BUTTERFREE!!!  
  
Crash: Reek-A-Chu, use your Smelly Shock Attack!!!  
  
A large, electrically charged, smelly particle cloud hurtled itself at the LowFat, and knocked it out.  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Awww. . . Return, LowFat.  
  
Crash: That was a good battle!  
  
Pissy: RRRRRRRR. . .  
  
Broccoli: I think someone owes me §200.  
  
Pissy: Hmph. Fine. It's only half of my weekly allowance. *Hands Broccoli half of her weekly allowance*  
  
Broccoli: That's only half of it?  
  
Pissy: Yup.  
  
{Once again, back at the ranch…}  
  
Crash: I win!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Jumps up and down*  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: Well, you may have beaten me, but you're still an idiot.   
  
Crash: Take it back!!!!  
  
Pissy: Excuse me, not to interrupt or anything, but what's your name? It's a pain I the you-know-where to type "Other Mega-Mon trainer". . .  
  
Other Mega-Mon trainer: My name is Joe-Bob-Moe. Call Me JBM!  
  
Pissy: That's cool. I'm Pissy, that doof over there with his eyes closed is Broccoli, and the idiot you lost to is Crash Mustard. We call him Crash-N-Burn, or just Crash.  
  
Broccoli: I'm not a doof! *walks into a tree*  
  
Crash: I'm not an idiot! *writes '2+2=' on a piece of paper, and after five minutes, he writes the answer down.* I know! It's 3!!!!!!  
  
JBM: Hmmm. . . The names sound familiar. . . There used to be a kids' show called 'Pokemon', and the characters were 'Ash', 'Misty', and 'Brock'. Do you know them?  
  
Crash, Broccoli, and Pissy: Nope.  
  
JBM: Their faithful companion was called 'Pikachu'. Do you know it?  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Never heard of him. But he sounds stupid.  
  
Crash: You tell him, buddy!  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Don't call me that! I'm NOT your 'buddy'! I just try to get along with you and do what you say, because if I don't, I won't get paid!!!!!!!  
  
Crash: Who'd pay YOU?  
  
Pissy: Me.  
  
Broccoli: Me too.  
  
Reek-A-Chu: Remember what I told you? You weren't supposed to tell him anything!!!!!  
  
Then, our two heroes (Pissy is a pacifist when she's not pissed, so she didn't fight) started to brawl again.  
  
Pissy: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem* Do you know where Red City is, JBM? Good old Crash-N-Burn got us lost again.  
  
Crash: EXCUUUSE ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
JBM: Yeah, it's right behind us.   
  
Crash, Pissy, Broccoli and Reek-A-Chu: WHAT?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
And sure enough, when our heroes looked closely at the horizon, they saw large skyscrapers and vast buildings.  
  
Crash: See? I TOLD you it was here!  
  
Broccoli: If only I could see it. . .  
  
Pissy: *Pissed again, so her eyes glow red* BROCCOLI, I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS "I CAN'T SEE" NONSENSE!!! OPEN YOUR EYES, DAMMIT!!!!!  
  
Broccoli: Hey- you swore! Again! THIS IS A KID'S SHOW!!!!! No swearing!!!!!  
  
Pissy: Broccoli?   
  
Broccoli: Yes.  
  
Pissy: GO TO H*LL!!!  
  
[Next on Mega-Mon! Crash, Pissy, and Broccoli are in Red City, when Pissy receives a mysterious note from nobody! Then, Team Shmuck is at it again!  
Could the 'mysterious letter be a plan to capture the ever-smelly Reek-A-Chu?!?!?!] 


	3. Episode 2 Letters from Nobody!

Stuff to know:  
  
[lyrics/opening theme]  
{author's notes}  
*actions such as walking into trees*  
  
  
  
[I want to be the very best,  
Like no one ever was.  
To catch them is my real test,  
To train them is my cause.  
  
I will travel across the land,  
Searching far and wide.  
Each Mega-Mon, to understand  
The power that's inside.  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men  
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all, yeah  
  
Every challenge along the way  
With courage I will face  
I will battle everyday  
To claim my rightful place  
  
Come with me the time is right  
There's no better team  
Arm and arm we'll win the fight  
It's always been our dream  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men   
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all, yeah  
  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Mega-Men  
(Oh) You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
Mega-Men (Gotta catch 'em all)  
A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Mega-Men  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Gotta catch 'em all  
Mega-Men!]  
  
[Duh da duh da duuuuuuhhhhh]  
{Suddenly, a male voice says-}  
  
::Letters from nobody!!::  
  
Our heroes are camping outside a Publux in Red City.   
Broccoli is trying to open his eyes, Pissy is plotting   
the route to Navy Blue City, and Crash is inside, buying food.   
  
Crash: *walks outside* I'm done getting dinner! Jeez, this place is   
big! It took me forty minutes just to find soda!  
  
Pissy: You know, we're lucky they're letting us camp out here.   
We really can't complain.  
  
Crash: *sits down and unpacks the food items*   
But it's really expensive, too!  
  
Pissy: Don't blame me, blame inflation.  
  
Broccoli: *frantically struggles to get his eyes open* OPEN!!!!!!!  
  
Crash: What's the magic word?  
  
Broccoli: Right! Thanks, Crash! OPEN SESAME!!!!   
*his eyes still won't open*  
  
Pissy: Men are stupid.  
  
Reek-A-Chu: *snores and turns over, pulling his blanket over him*  
  
Crash: Let's eat dinner and go to bed. It's getting late.  
  
Pissy: Yeah. . . All the stores except this one are closed.  
  
Broccoli: Well, I'll start dinner. *takes a few food stuffs   
and takes out a travel stove*  
  
Crash: Thanks.   
  
Pissy: Yeah, thanks.  
  
Broccoli: It's no problem. I'm just doing what feels natural.   
Hey, Crash? Could you help Pissy plot the route to Navy Blue City?  
  
Crash: Sure.   
  
Crash and Pissy plotted the route, and   
Broccoli cooked a fabulous dinner. After dinner,   
they got into their sleeping bags.  
  
Pissy: G'night, Crash. G'night, Broccoli.  
  
Crash and Broccoli: Good night.  
  
As our three heroes fell asleep, there were three pairs of eyes watching them.   
They watched as Pissy dreamt about water. They stared as Crash dreamt of explosions.   
They spied as Broccoli dreamt of food. Little did our favorite good-guys know,   
the eyes were attached to people with very evil intentions.  
  
[Duh duh duuuuuuuuuuhhhh]  
[We'll be right back after this commercial break!] 


	4. The Letters are still Anonymous!

Who's that Megamon?]  
[It's Fastpoke! ("Faaaastpooooke"]  
[Duh duh duuuuuuhhhhh  
  
Pissy: *screaming* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!  
  
Crash: Erm. . . oops?  
  
Pissy: This is your last moment of life, you pervert! *eyes glow red* Why would you come into my tent while I'm asleep!?!?!  
  
Crash: Fine, I'll tell you why.  
  
Pissy: Why?  
  
Crash: It's already noon. I was trying to wake you up for lunch.   
  
Pissy: Oh. Sorry, Crash-N-Burn.  
  
Crash: Rrrrrrrr. . .   
  
Broccoli: Pissy, you have mail.  
  
Pissy: I. . . have. . . mail? From who?  
  
Broccoli: *hands Pissy the letter* I'm not sure. It's anonymous.   
  
Pissy: Hmm. . . *looks at the front* 'To: Pissy' *opens the letter and reads aloud* 'My dearest Pissy, for years I have watched you from afar. I truly love you. Love, your secret admirer.'  
  
Crash: *nudges Pissy* Oooooohhh, a secret admirer. Who could it be?  
  
Pissy: This is going to end up like one of those things where the letter is a bomb that blows you up while you're trying to figure out who the letter is from, right?  
  
Three Mysterious Passerby: Nope.  
  
Crash: Damn.  
  
-The next morning-  
  
Crash: Geez, Pissy, somebody must really like you. *hands pissy another letter*  
  
Pissy: let's see. . . what does this one say? *opens the letter and reads it out loud* 'Dear Pissy, you are more beautiful than the Greek goddesses. I would let you know who I am, but I am not nearly courageous enough, for your loveliness frightens me. Love, your secret admirer.'  
  
Broccoli: One thing's for sure- this is from another planet!  
  
Crash & Pissy: What makes you say that, broccoli?  
  
Broccoli: On our planet, there's no such thing as a Greek Goddess! WHAT THE HELL IS A GREEK GODDESS?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Crash & Pissy: *shrug* I dunno.  
  
And then, all of a sudden-  
  
Mysterious Person #1: To wreck our world with devastation!  
  
Mysterious Person #2: To eat all ice creams in our nation!  
  
Mysterious Person #1: To pronounce the beauty of leather gloves!  
  
Mysterious Person #2: To crash large ships into the stars above!  
  
Mysterious Person #1: Bonnie!  
  
Mysterious Person #2: Clyde!  
  
Bonnie: Team Shmuck, Blast off at the speed of fright!  
  
Clyde: Surrender now or face our might!  
  
Meow: Meow! That can't be right.  
  
Crash, Pissy, and Broccoli: You're on!  
  
[On our next episode of Megamon, Crash must fight Team Shmuck! And Pissy will find out exactly who wrote those love notes! All of this and more on our next exciting episode of Megamon!]  
  
P.S. (When I typed 'Team Shmuck' I meant @$$hole, not. . . you know.) 


End file.
